Jokes on Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Jokes.

Jack asked his friend, Daniel, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.

'Yes,' came the answer from Daniel who was a bit of a chauvinist, 'I've bought her a belt and a bag.'

'That was very kind of you,' Jack added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought.'

Daniel smiled as he replied, 'So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.'

One morning Cathy woke up with a start.  Her husband Jack asked what was the matter, she told him, "I just had a dream that you gave me a pearl necklace for

Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight," Jack said.

That evening, Jack home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, Cathy opened it - only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".

When a woman on the staff of the school where I worked became engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice.

'The first ten years are the hardest.'

'How long have you been married?' she asked.

'Ten years', he replied.

Question and Answer Valentine Jokes Valentine's day jokes

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? 

A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the valentine card say to the stamp? 

A: Stick with me and we'll go places!

Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch? 

A: You turn me on.

Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date? 

A: No, but they had an Apple.

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? 

A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand? Valentine Joke

Q: What did one snake say to the other snake? 

A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.

Knock, Knock,
Who's there?
Olive
Olive who?
Olive you!

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune? 

A: Because it couldn't get a date.

Q: What is a ram's favorite song on February 14th? 

A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear

Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner? 

A: A stamp.

Q: What happens when you fall in love with a French chef? 

A: You get buttered up.

Q: What is a vampire's sweetheart called? 

A: His ghoul-friend.

Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her? 

A: Antelope.

Bill walked into a post office just before Valentine's day, he couldn't help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking "Love" stamps on

bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.  Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the

envelopes.

By now Bill's curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards.  The man replied, "I'm sending out 500 Valentine

cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asked Bill.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replied.

Tom, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweler's shop.

The jeweler inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'

Tom thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave "To my one and only love".'
The jeweler smiled and said, 'Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.'

Tom retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.'